Today was bad

  1. Today was bad. I was directing traffic at the store and one of the customers lied to me and sneaked out to the register without being in line. I knew he was lying and I said–okay you might be telling the truth, I might be crazy. And it set him off. He complained on me to the manager. I felt lost. My second cheek did not want to be turned to him. I should have said–God bless you! Instead of that, I tried to say something in Psychological aikido style. Psychological aikido was created by people and all people are sinners. This is why it doesnt work. God knows us. We do not know ourselves but God knows us. I watched blog of Dillon Loving and he said–yes, we are bad. It is our nature. And I thought that I was bad too. I could just say God bless you! But anger was in me too. And Satan liked it. But God is on my side.

    clouds weather sunlight sunrays

    Photo by Torsten Dettlaff on

differences in trying juveniles and adults

chart  Create an infographic or chart that summarizes the pretrial procedures for juvenile.

4)  Identify 2 differences between an adult trial and a juvenile trial.

Adults are tried for “committing the crime” while juveniles are tried for delinquent acts.  In adult court the adults are charged by a document called “complaint.” In juvenile system the document is called “petition.” In adult court, if the defendant is found guilty he is convicted, in juvenile court it is called “adjudicated delinquent.”

5)  Explain blended sentencing options in juvenile cases.

Blended sentencing infers that adults’ sentencing standards can be incorporated at some jurisdictions.  Juvenile standards of sentencing are applied there too. Blended sentencing is an innovation that came to life in 1990s. Blended sentencing started blooming during a period of progressively increasing violent juvenile crime. It was implemented as a bridge from the punishment offenders’ system to the traditional juvenile justice system.  Blended sentencing combines qualities of the rehabilitative system with the adult sanctions.

Rikers High book reflection

In the modern world when economy booms and modern science

makes miracles, barbaric methods utilized by adults in educational and correctional institutions still exist. At this day and age when people try to walk the moon, children suffer from neglect, isolation, abuse and by other wrongdoings. Children can make mistake too, but why do they make mistakes and how much they should be punished for them are rhetorical questions? Rikers High illustrates that correctional institutions do not correct at times but traumatize.

The book starts with the very painful and dreadful experience of “dealing with the system.”

From the first paragraph, I started feeling sorry for the Forty. The level of matureness of this person is beyond any words. Anyone can do a mistake, but to survive the oppression and come out of it without losing yourself, is an art that not everyone can master. As the story unfolds, one has an uneasy feeling of uncertainness, unfairness and overall stagnation. The place for the adult criminals is being adapted for the juvenile offenders and one cannot help but think that it is unfair. The set of thoughts crosses one’s mind: “Is it true,” “Is it really happening?” “Where are the authorities?” “No one knows what is really going on!” However, the book just tells the story based on real events. Unfortunately, this is a reality, a dreadful and unfair reality. This reality unveils: the helplessness of the people who appeared in the middle of the system, the helplessness of the parents and guardians and overall depressed state of the affairs. Studying Criminal Justice, students are being left out of the other side of the fence’ story. However, reading books like Rikers High or watching documentaries can help us to receive more understanding on subject matter.

The anger is something that comes through the lines of this book a lot. It is hard to be in the place of confinement without being angry and the surrounding contributes to the suppressing of the existing feelings. One can almost hopelessly search for any human being in this story to be decent enough not to participate in scolding, insulting or reprimanding. Alas, all adults are being a part of the system, do not want to deviate from the routine. Maybe once or twice I hear some humble motive in some teachers’ voices throughout the story but, unfortunately, most of them have become as corrupted as COs and the rest of the stuff. CO in the mentioned place can do something horrendous and never look back. One case described in the book was concerning the CO apologizing when the teacher actually complained and was gathering signatures. Demarco was one of the teachers in jail who was treating adolescents as people.

Violence and anger are the main topics of this book. Violence begets violence. It multiples it in proportions which cannot be measured.  What can be done to change the whole situation? I think, if there is at least one person who is not indifferent, we have a hope.

Throughout the story, one hears the voice of the kid’s mother. It is normal for any mother to be worried about her child while the child is imprisoned. What is not normal is to pretend that this whole situation is healthy.



After I read this book, some words of some famous psychologist who had been in prison camp during World War II, resurfaced in my memory. He said that in such terrible conditions some people become gods and some turn into pigs. It is very sad that this book was based on true events. I am glad that there are citizens like Demarco in our world. The combination of words “juvenile offender” does not define a person, it is not a diagnosis and it can be reversed. Most of the correctional officers gave up on adolescents in Rikers and this part makes things worse. However, as those things are being addressed, at least, in this book, we have a hope that the situation will approve in the future.

orange leaf on chainlink fence

Photo by Brett Sayles on

Coronavirus and working in the store

Someone not very famous wrote

“In hard times of pandemia

Rely on Academia

learn only from the books

the crowd is a flux

and stay away from fear

the better times are near”


So, working on the front line and being a hero is very rewarding (just when one thinks about it); other than that, we are just regular people in retail.

I worked in sales and was a marketing in-field operations supervisor for the demo team in different stores. My company originates in California but I work on Eastern shore. During pandemic we were recontracted to the store and now a warehouse pays us salary and what we do is–redirecting traffic in a store, service sink and sanitation station for the customers and etc.

Most of the customers are very polite and say : “Thank you for what you do,” but, alas, some of them are rude. To say, yesterday when I was directing traffic and pointed one older couple to the register, a guy asked me: “How does it feel to tell people what to do and not being hit?”

Well, people are people but as I am going through hundreds of them per day and kind of exposing myself, that would be nice if only little less pressure was on my shoulders.

But I heard different comments and we were blamed for the spread of corona and we were told that we should have put this sink out for customers to wash their hands many months ago, and that we are bad and so on and so on. My granddad died from complications of chronic bronchitis and asthma. My aunt sleeps in the arm chair because she has a severe case of chronic asthma and emphysema and she cannot sleep in a bed –it interrupts her breathing. I almost died from pneumonia at the age of 8 and I have chronic bronchitis, adenoids and sinusitis and developing asthma. I am doing this for you, people, this is my input into society.

In the dark times like this, people show their best and their worst. The upstream of humanity is here in front of us, and the ugliness of paranoia and overall hostility are blooming too. But, overall, our society is very emphatic and there is light in the end of tunnel.

February in Rehoboth beach

waves are quiet with their ends bleached

I am walking towards a bookstore

It’s my Mecca my stepping stone

February tends to give up on me every day

28 days of thinking gray

Maybe I need vitamins maybe I need you







Blue moon

In the corner of my mind
I saw you in Ruby Tuesday
You were still mine
You were drinking blue moon
I couldn’t laugh anymore
I was a jester you’re buffoon,
All my life is stupid race
Always a “crying disgrace”
I remember but what for?
In the corner of my life
I saw us kissing-laughing-dancing
Four years ago
Everything is still alive
In my heart
We were  in TGI Fridays,
In Bethany Blues, Big Fish grill
My life is like a spoiled brat
Runs down the hill.
My days of the week are all Mondays
In the corner of my heart
No more joy, all restaurants are closed
All places reserved
By sadness and fight.

Drink your blue moon
And get out of here.

Elvira Madigan

Elvira Madigan looks at him
While he is shaving,
“This is a chronic disease
Underneath my soul is sinful grease
Darkness blackness, the lack of light
I am so tired to fight
So tired to fight
I love you
There is no cure
I love you
I am a liar
my love is not pure
my life is dirt,  distilled sin
I am so tired to fight
I won’t ever win.”
Elvira Madigan kisses her lover
I am imagining I am kissing you
Elvira Madigan leans forward, kisses him
He still has a blade in his hand,
He unclamps the vessel with his desires,
He unclamps his hand
The blade falls off
This is so dangerous
Like …..Love.